¿Goodbye?

dear Erika: you used a phrase eye have reason to believe (not b lieved, trying traditional this one time) you borrowed: plz, eye’m begging; eye’ll do anything, por favor . . eye’ll always remember u used the phrase and it makes me smile now and maybe again each time eye used it . . . it’s poetic the Haruki Kazuko post that attracted ur . . eye’m-out comment . . . was awesome for me . . as a surviving father of a dead teenager eye’ve paid attention to how others handle death and sifting through the cocktail of emotions is the uncommon thing eye do . . during that post there was a moment my eyes watered and eye felt deep sadness . . while eye sat in solitude in an all-tables-nearly-full restaurant panaderia cafe . . most attention was on the World Cup and none on me . . at least until u read . . no attention was on me . . the image of my teenage son in the final years of his life struggling w being the one person notified that eye married a second time . . that hot potato trusted only to him . . made me smile then laugh tears still in my eyes . . . eye was smiling and laughing . . that moment . . . and the strange cocktail of emotions of life and my willingness to express them . . is probably why eye kept ur attention . . but eye knew . . you’d eventually be bored w me . . TPO time place occasion . . our TPO matched and eye wrote from the heart and you finished thinking . . wow . . . eye’ll keep reading he might do that again . . but truthfully the TPO was less about me and more about you . . those moments or that moment that kept you coming back is not likely 2 repeat . . eye’m an aging middle-age man and my readers are aging middle-aged men . . they continue reading bc they don’t think eye’m the Zodiac . . they don’t think a TPO will match giving them something . . . something . . well . . . worth a continued pledge of dedication . . . my aging middle-age men readers . . have much lower expectations of me . . they read thinking . . . he probably has nothing worth reading and if he does eye probably won’t understand it, but they read anyways knowing we both know who Lyle Alzado was . . . not bc their bored though they may b . . just bc . . . bc . . eye don’t know why . . eye keep writing . . . my writing style broke w tradition bc it first broke in my one to one and one to group text messages . .. as it broke . . readers were fed one line at a time and my shit txt seemed palatable . . . . then eye had a period of two styles . . one for txt and one for blog posts . . now eye write everything in this broken english and yes . . eye pay and unknown price in the people eye may have otherwise influenced . . . so the difference between you and the others who leave me . . is they don’t say goodbye . . they just give their attention to something else and in time . . and whatever routine they had that brought them to my writing breaks and eye’m a memory and a blog they cud not find if they tried . . . Erika: eye know this is a pseudonym yet eye have reason to believe you are female, a wife, a mother, an American born between ‘74 and ‘84 . . female and age makes you rare among my readers . . consider checking back every now and then . . eye might have a slow painful death by cancer, which is sure to attract more readers . but sadly a terminal bout w cancer would also terminated my writing . . eye’m pushing to remain whole . . . feel like me . like an adult version of who eye was as a kid and like my late Uncle Joe . . b able to do what eye’m doing right now for a long time . . in the event this is ur last . . Erika . . sincerely . . grazie for reading . . ur comments spike my readers as if readers thought . . omg . . if Erika is interested this is the shit that interests me . . but they like you were not aging middle-age men and they unlike you lacked the discipline to read as if eye’m the Zodiac . . my best to u always Erika . . Tom Doody middle-age American living in New Jersey near the Lincoln Tunnel btw Erika: eye want to be sure to write this allowing me to deny eye’ve tried to persuade you to continue reading . . here’s the worst case for you . . eye get cancer and write w hope then surrender . . along the way my surviving son and daughter reach out to me in a loving way . . to say goodbye . . and the mother-side of their family reaches out as if eye’m worthy of a respectful goodbye . . a friend shares a post w you but like much internet text ppl don’t note the date . . . . you find the freshest post . . which is fresher but also dated . . then my obituary . . no big deal . . my text remains for you to read but u’re sure not to get a reply to a comment

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