2June

dear MFG ChR CMM JMcD: if we were at a SAM reunion that included a bundle of class yrs and may b alcohol induced eye told the story eye’m abt 2tell . . . moments in2 it . . ur x pressions might say, "oh shit . . . eye didn’t ask 4all this . . . " but writing somehow navigates passed that keep-listeners-interested burden . . . . . when young ppl die their parents dreams of them die2 . . . and that seems visible, "dreams" tangible "dreams" but as eye learned it’s the dreams and x pectations eye had that were unknown2me that made David’s premature death something eye was unprepared for . . . eye had a timely moment in a hot tub with 2of my nephews they advised me in my divorce that ended my 1st marriage: "don’t trash Angie" and eye took their words2heart shaping my Ghandi-like MLK-like approach w out protest . . so in a sense even more passive than pacifists . . eye called my kids home regularly, and wrote and progress felt real . . David seemed to b pulling me back in2 his life and his family life . . . David began to engage with me on the phone w substance, which "substance" btw a teenage-1st-born now man of the house and his out-of-state dad was substantive anger . . then he died . . so all of high school the first eye saw his body was in the casket where his body rests 2day in Carlisle Pennsylvania and the final words eye had heard from David was anger directed at me . . the wonder of Brad’s tribute2David was that he used the good material premature death and effectively said how his observations were marched by others . . eye know fully that kind of kid David was tracking 2b and Brad’s tribute is valid tho it clashes with David’s anger at me during his final months . . so as a dad eye reconcile how may b David having me as an outlet 4anger allowed him 2b the teenager God intended him 2b . . this sense contributes to my peace today . . and yet his death wholesale severed so many relationships eye had most notably my surviving son and daughter who remain silent 2me 2day. In all mass immigration like the Irish hunger of the mid-nineteenth century there is both a push and a pull that gets a lot of ppl to take risks . . . there is no x ternal push or pull for me 2visit the town of David’s resting place so this trip procrastinated by decades . . . . several half decades . . pass as eye procrastinate, which is my spin back to each of u who saw the significance of David’s death in my post, but cud not have seen how a train-bus trip looms in my life 2day, so u commented on a post and u now provide additional push to get me on a train and bus 2June . . . true 2my 1st 2June following David’s death eye make no plans w any1 knowing a cancellation cud b devastating and stain a day that’s b come so important 2me . . a future 2June will find me on a bus and short of making plans w any1 eye do have this x pectation . . Brad wrote: "The funeral home the night I got up there was crammed and overflowing with his friends. Weeping girls AND boys spilled out into the parking lot, and collapsed on the curbs" if only 2of them joined and recognized they were once united emotionally upon news of David’s death David’s funeral and David’s final ceremonies and they decided 2June was the day 4them 2share something again . . . if iff this happened a union of2 on June2 then eye’d have reason 2celebrate . . MFG ChR CMM JMcD if ur still reading . . . remarkable . . . this personal emotional x preience eye’m having at this moment cud not have happened at any SAM reunion . . grazie 4 ur comments . . from NJ2OH2OH2MA2OH Tom . . and JMcD u probably know me as Tommy

About Tom Doody

middle-age American living in New Jersey near the Lincoln Tunnel
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s