being a father is special

middle-age American living in New Jersey near the Lincoln Tunnel «« As a preamble to my chest-pounding father’s day roar I acknowledge: a ping from my daughter or living son would be nice, and it could be as nontraditional as a chance ping that took me to text, “Why I block my father” or “My father is an asshole”.  Por supuesto, nicer stuff would be preferred.  My first-born son died, and he is survived by his sister and brother, which continues my status as a father on father’s day without question, but it’s possible, though unlikely, that I’ll survive all three of these people who were once my babies, and then my status on father’s day would feel less secure.  Mother’s who miscarry often experience severe sadness like the death of a child, so unquestionably mother status begins very early, even pre birth, but birth is traditionally considered a prerequisite for fatherhood.  Some father’s never know they’re fathers or separation promotes questions of insecurity on father’s day.  ¿Father’s day celebrates fathers, am I included?  ¿Can I only feel respected as a father if I’m paid respect by my babies?  ¿Am I still a father if I’ve survived my babies?  For more than a decade I’ve created clever ways to celebrate my sons’ and daughter’s birthdays knowing I would get nothing from him or her.  Realistically I could be sure my call to their house would not be answered, and in time it became the norm.  Today I am declaring those clever emotional-survival games I played on birthdays have evolved into something more meaningful than a game.  Considering the fullness of father’s day 2016 I declare I can still authentically feel included in the group of people being celebrated even if I were to survive all three of my babies.  Since authentic joy can easily be felt on father’s day considering being the father of a dead one, then finding the joy linked to being the father of the living two should be achievable.  Yesterday with one dead and two who have me on their block list, I found the joy of father’s day.  My over-the-top success of father’s day 2016 is partially credited to NBA Cleveland and LeBron James, which linked me to other fathers who are important to me.  Other fathers who trace their roots to Cleveland.  Yesterday was awesome.  While continuing to fish for traditional links to my surviving babies, now a U kid and an adult, I know I can feel the joy of the special day, because being a father is special. »»  about me  302-990-2346  twitter  nearlincoln@hotmail.com  contact us

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About Tom Doody

middle-age American living in New Jersey near the Lincoln Tunnel
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