binge driking

Family gatherings are like binge drinking.  Some family gatherings include binge drinking, but this is not my point.  I have a self-imposed rift starting around 2000 with my siblings, and the unfavorable byproduct separated me from nieces and nephews, so regular calls with my mother, and occasional contact with extended family sustained my need to contribute and participate with family.  In 2007 my son, David, died, and this family arrangement was sufficient to get me through a healthy recovery.  This week more than a decade later triggered mainly by my sister’s, Ann’s, press in the Snowmass Sun http://doodyt.tripod.com/ann.pdf I talked to my brother, David.  I expected it to be important, so I made note of the length of the 22 minute call.  In short, I got a mountain of value in just 22 minutes, and I know a family gathering would still be too much for me.  one beer : binge drinking :: 22 minutes : family gathering.  Later in the week I told my mom we had talked, and how nice it was, which gave me the sense her motherly instincts were settled by the news.  David and other family members visited my daughter in her DC school, and this news has put me at ease all week.  I find it easy, yes, “easy”, to reconcile with my daughters block of me knowing my side of her family is invited and active in her life.  If the cause of her block of me is anger, and she has to be angry at someone, then, “Why not dad?”  I could not choose a better person for her to be angry at, because the opportunity she has to turn me back on in her life will never expire (aside from death).  Like I say to people going for an available yellow cab when I am empty, “pick me, pick me”.  If there was a moment she was choosing who to be angry at, and I could be there, I would say, “pick me, pick me”.  Also, I learned from my mother that Steffen is in Afghanistan as a medic, and Christa is in Germany.  It is ironic that Christa is living a life similar to the life Marty would have had if she had stayed married to Steffen’s father.  Even her extended Germany family is the same.

About Tom Doody

middle-age American living in New Jersey near the Lincoln Tunnel
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